Whereforto Ye Wanderers

Whereforto Ye Wanderers.



Saturday, August 28, 2010

lost&found

I lost myself when I let you in

tiptoe-ing quietly

through cold-floored hallways

into safe room

into my small place

and I felt my soul escape or break

or some other kind of vile motion

in whatever godcabinet its zippered up in

I let you wear my hair

and blankets and

maybe I did smile or touch your fingernails lightly

but I was writhing

in stretchedthincontortions you couldn’t see

allthewhilethinking,

please, don’t make me say leave.

I choked on smoke when you walked away

and it was the best kind of suffocation,

the kind that wrangles all those

headspingutmelt nervous trainwrecks

and leaves you asphyxiated

in the best way.


//

I found myself without you

and I felt everything again

with microscopic precision

from the splits in my hair

to the synapsefiring squad in my head,

and something was off.

Maybe I was just uneasy,

or overestimating how unfair things can be,

but something was

off.

I stuffed myself full of herbs and

tonics and chainsmoked

and I drew dark circles beneath my eyes

and tore apart my insides

in everyway I knew how to say,

there’s no way anything could survive.

And nothing did,

but to be fair

I don’t know for sure

the existence of innerself parasites,

but I know that I found myself

without you little creature,

I found myself without you

little fear monster.

I found myself.

No comments: